Thursday 25 January 2018

A Statement Issued by the University concerning the attendance at the Presidents' Club Event by their Vice Chancellor

The University can confirm that its President & Vice Chancellor, Professor Screwtape DL, attended The Presidents’ Club Charity Dinner event held at The Dorchester Hotel, London on Thursday, 18 January 2018. Professor Screwtape DL has never previously attended any event held by The Presidents’ Club and is not a member (he prefers to work "by proxy"). His attendance was arranged under the  guise of an "invited guest" to a charity fundraising dinner. He likes to look good. More specifically, he was a guest of one of the University's key business sponsors who hosted and personally paid for the table with their soul.

Professor Screwtape DL has confirmed that he was approached whilst dining and served drinks by several hostess staff allocated to his area of the dining room. Co-incidentally he now (in hindsight, shitting himself) recognises one of those staff who spoke to him as being the undercover reporter now identifying herself as Maddison MarriageProfessor Screwtape DL recalls expressing at the time (to the woman now known as Maddison Marriage) that both personally and also in the current context (in 2018, particularly post the Harvey Weinstein allegations) he was uncomfortable with the totally unexpected influx of hostess staff and certain auction lots. The undercover reporter has confirmed subsequently to a fellow journalist and Editor, that Professor Screwtape DL ‘looked pretty shocked’ on twigging that she might possibly be a journalist.

Professor Screwtape DL has further confirmed that another member of the hostess staff also served him a drink whilst he was dining and when he asked her what she thought of the event, she similarly indicated to him that she was uneasy with the event. She stated that she was particularly nervous about descriptions she had been given of the ‘after party’ which she had heard from other hostess staff who had worked at the event in previous years. This prompted Professor Screwtape DL to seek out and speak with one of the event staff team leaders, expressing his concern that if any press were present at the event, his career would be over. Professor Screwtape DL cast a blind eye on the assaults subsequently alleged in the press and he chose to leave as soon as was politely possible at the end of the charity auction after he fulfilled his role to convert a number of key influential individuals to Satanism as required of him when he attends such public events.

Professor Screwtape DL has confirmed that he did not and, more importantly, chose not to participate in the post dinner ‘after party’ which he had been unaware of when he accepted the invitation to the black tie dinner, and he returned to his family who were with him in London.

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